The following is taken from the facebook page Gay SG Confessions
We live in the age of GRINDR, Manhunt, Planetromeo, Fridae, Trevvy, Gayroulette, Manroulette, Jack’D and other applications. We can scan someone in an instant and just scroll over if that person isn’t to our liking. All those years when we had to live in the closet, and watch our peers had their first crushes while we were 13 or 14, we try to make up for by today’s speed dating. You’d think that once when bullying was over, there’d be a reward for that whole nonsense – a certain sense of freedom, acceptance, maybe even love. How many of us realize that we’re simply being forced into another niche?
Someone once said that sex is anything about sex. I’m sure you’ve all heard that saying that “sex sells”. Why does so much of our adulthood revolve around gay sex, and why does the gay community support this to such an abnormal extent? If you log onto Fridae, you might find movie reviews, architecture news, what you’ll find most certainly are male models, bodies sculpted with various advertisements for Speedos – other websites link to a lot of gay pornography, and the other day I even saw a link for a Poppers commercial via Planetromeo. How would you ever find true love or good friendship in this sea of confusion, with all this loneliness, advertisements, sex, drugs, and baggage – all under a guise of gay social network? No wonder we remain confused and hurt.
The concept of time-wasters is ridiculous to me. So many times, while browsing dating websites, we see “no time-wasters” headline, but how much of our power we give to society by wasting our own lives? We go to the gym so would have a 6-pack while we could be getting educated. And really, would you really want a guy who’d like you solely for your looks? We waste time on adult-movies which are, in the end, a product.
The irony is this – after all those years of bullying, and being in the closet, we inhabit a community where we start to bully each other. We start treating each other as if we were examining a product. Online dating, as much as it made things easier, became ridiculous; we treat each other as if we were our own worst enemies.
We don’t treat each other like human beings anymore, rather, like products meant for evaluation. And that is the ultimate irony, for most good things in life to take root if you invest time in them. We get to like someone because we spend time in their company. We become friends by getting to know one another gradually, we fall in love because that other person makes us feel good for who we are, not by having a passionate one-night stand via Trevvy chatroom (what are YOUR stats? Intro!)
Love means generosity and giving, not greed and selfishness. It’s ironic how after so much discrimination we willingly agree to be discriminated again, and so much of it revolves around sex. Love is not about fear, baggage, vanity, and passive-aggression. Love is letting yourself be (as you are) and letting someone else be (as they are). True love or friendship takes time, good will, and patience. If your environment and/or peers don’t support that, be your own best friend, and realize just how powerful that is.
Here is an interesting example of a Hegelian “immanent” critique going on wherein the inherent contradiction of the homosexual logic forces itself into consciousness.
A gay community is by definition a community defined BY sexual attraction to a certain bodily physical form, i.e. that of one’s own sex. Why on earth are they surprised that a community defined purely by sexual attraction to a physical form should act purely upon the basis of physical looks, with the other more “romantic” and idealistic goals taking a peripheral backseat? After all, if one day we decided to canonise the concept of being sexually oriented towards tall blondes as nordosexual, would we be surprised that the nordosexual community is obsessed only with looks?
The entire complaint is incoherent. If they begin instead with the concept of friendship, generosity, love in accordance to the truth of the person, etc, then homosexuality itself would become subordinate to these other ends, which would entail that homosexuality and sexual “orientation” is insignificant and secondary in relation to these ends, and may dissolve altogether into irrelevance. This would entail the very deconstruction of the gay community itself as the gay community loses its own independent meaning and integrity, it’s raison d’être.
The either-or cannot be evaded, either homosexuality is itself inconsequential and secondary to the broader goals and meaning of friendship, romantic love, etc, or it reasserts itself as the central thing with all these other goals as peripheral and inconsequential, that is, the core thing about the gay community is precisely about being sexually attracted to a certain physical form.
Update: Although come to think of it, there might actually be a deeper ground as to the inherent “exploitive” or consumer mindset of homosexual relationships in comparison to heterosexual relationships. As I’ve argued in another post, the difference is that homosexual desire tends towards consumer satisfaction of sensation because the essential “otherness” is lost, gays after all know what it is like to experience the sexual sensations of his own gender in his partner and this desire does just satisfied. Whereas in heterosexual desire, the desire for one’s partner’s sexual sensation is never satisfied because you’ll never know what it is like to experience the sexual sensation of the opposite gender, thus the essential mystery is preserved and defies “consumption”, the course of desire can potentially “continue” and transcend the moment of sex. The post can be found here.