I must awake to face the dawn,
To stand the judgement of the light,
And though my heart be still forlorn,
the end is not in sight.
I yearn the dark of endless sleep,
To n’ver need rise and wake again,
Yet the dawning light does bore me deep,
it gnaws my conscience’s pain.
The angelic scholars of old declare,
That existence is a good.
This lie the doctors did forswear
For ’tis suffering untold.
O Lord thou hast crushed me,
When thou didst willed me to be,
Thy will is sheer oppression,
The knowledge of thee depression.
If it be possible, O Lord,
Take the cup of life from me,
Yet thy will be done thy whim accord
And discard thee my fervent plea.
Fleet the affliction I know,
And frivolous the cry,
Thy will indifferent still doth flow
Despite my protest and my fight.
O Lord , thou hast deceived me, and I was deceived:
thou art stronger than I, and hast prevailed:
I am in derision daily, every one mocketh me.
For since I spake, I cried out, I cried violence and spoil;
because the word of the Lord was made a reproach unto me,
and a derision, daily.
Then I said, I will not make mention of him,
nor speak any more in his name.
But his word was in mine heart
as a burning fire shut up in my bones,
and I was weary with forbearing,
and I could not stay. (Jeremiah 20:7-9)
O Lord thou hast me deceived,
Thy Might doth maketh the right
Thy Word doth maketh darkness to light,
Thy lie as truth I must receive.
The brilliance shields the Light’s end,
And cloaks it’s final form.
But in that Light desire is born,
Its path towards it bend.
Against the truth of my soul my heart,
I must believe the Light, the Lie,
That when at last I fall apart,
The foundling loves shall heavenward fly.