Asian successes have always posed a problem for most post-colonial narratives which attempts to account for all the present woes in Third World countries as the sole fault of those nasty nasty Western imperialists.

Japan was, quite literally, nuked by the Americans; China was invaded and plundered again and again by Western powers during the Opium War and Japan during WWII, Singapore and Hong Kong were literal colonies of the British Empire. Yet all of us somehow managed to thrive and prosper, surpassing that of Latin America and Africa, despite being raped, invaded and colonised.

There can only be two explanations. One, that our colonial masters were not as “exploitative” and cruel as it is often made out and that they did invest in our infrastructure and conditions which enabled our success, or two, that we Asians are simply superior to the other races still languishing in poverty.

Since political correctness and charity forbids the latter interpretation, then only the former is plausible. (Which is why Singaporeans should always be thankful that they were colonised by the British and not the French or Dutch or Spanish!) But any suggestion of course that our Western masters of old did invest in us and spend, considerable one might add, sums of capital to build us up is anathema to post-colonial theories.

In any case, while the West continues to wring their hands over their colonial and imperial guilt, we Chinese are already quietly re-colonising Africa and other parts of the Third World. And whenever they want to object or lecture us we will simply shout “OPIUM WAR! OPIUM WAR!” After all, according to their idiotic leftist theories, there can never be such a thing as reverse racism or even reverse colonialism right? We Chinese will FOREVER be disenfranchised because some of event centuries ago and of course it ALWAYS the white man’s fault.

Well, we’ll happily appropriate this piece of idiotic foot shooting narrative as long as it suits our purpose.

We’ll simply finish what the British started and when we’re through, the Africans will WISH for their Western Masters again, a creepy enactment of Dostoevsky’s Grand Inquisitor whereby the people after having driven off their masters will come crying back for them.

In fact, they already have as the Zambian President then opposition leader Michael Sata puts it:

We want the Chinese to leave and the old colonial rulers to return. They exploited our natural resources too, but at least they took good care of us. They built schools, taught us their language and brought us the British civilisation. At least Western capitalism has a human face; the Chinese are only out to exploit us.

Anyway, why haven’t we gone into Africa? We need lebensraum and we have a ton of cash with nowhere to invest them. We should start looking to set up a colony, I mean, an investment cooperative somewhere in Africa. We can also convert some of us our SAF regulars into, erm, private security and give them something to do.

It would be like the EIC all over again…