And it came to past that as the paths between a Kantian and a Christian converged an angel of the Lord appeared in all its heavenly glory and he sternly commanded the both of them:
“This is the command of the Lord unto you, you shall both sprout wings and take flight, or at the Day of the Dread Judgement, if you are found to be without wings, you shall destroyed with the damned and all the fallen angels.”
And with that the Angel disappeared as suddenly as it appeared.
The Kantian was naturally puzzled reasoning to himself, “What a strange experience! I swear I must have been having a particularly vivid Day-Dream! Even if it is really a vision from God, (of which of course no Enlightened person properly devised of all superstitious and primitive beliefs can ever possibly be sure!), the firmest proof that the vision really has its roots in a misfired neuron in my brain is in the fact that the contents of the dream contains the most ridiculous command, asking me to sprout wings and take flight indeed! Nonsense! Ought implies can! I can’t sprout wings and take flight! Therefore I can’t be an under obligation to do so, there! Q.E.D.!” So with his infallible proof the Kantian strolled along his merry way content to simply put the whole thing out of his mind.
On the contrary the Christian was troubled. He too was in serious doubt as to whether or not the vision be true or merely a delusion of his, but being a God-fearing man, he was in agony lest the vision be true and he in fact be commanded to sprout wings and take flight, on the pain of a most excruciating damnation. But even if the vision were true, how was such a thing to be done? The poor Christian hurried back home to consult all the manuals of theology and books he could lay his hands on to discern the meaning of the peculiar vision.
After what must have been hours of googling and endless torrent downloads, the Christian (being such a reasonable fellow with a healthy dose of common sense), decided that no theological solution was to be found and that it was futile wasting all his time and energy fretting over this alleged vision. So he did the only thing he could, knelt down in his room, and prayed the same prayer which St Augustine prayed a long time ago,
“Command what Thou dost desire, and grant what Thou commandest, if it is your desire to command me to sprout wings and take flight, then grant that I may perform the same. Amen.”
And with that the Christian carefully place the experience at the back of his mind and throughout his years would occasionally offer this prayer at every intercession, just in case of course, although, alas! No miracle ever occurred and he never sprouted any wings.
And so the Dread Day of Judgement came and at the General Resurrection it just so happen that once more the Kantian and the Christian were to be judged together. The Lord stared at the Kantian and said,
“Where are your wings?”
The Kantian was flabbergasted (at least more than he already was for it was quite a shock for him to discover that God had such particular characteristics like being YHWH) and before the Judgement Throne all the judged would possess total recall and knew what the Lord was referring to.
“Are you kidding! That’s the most ridiculous command!”
“Ridiculous, maybe,” replied the Lord, “But it is still my command nonetheless.”
“But it’s utterly irrational! Reason dictates that ought implies can! Reason demands that you release me from that most absurd obligation which I cannot possibly fulfill!”
“If reason is truly so omnipotent,” the Lord shrugged, “to be able to make demands of me, let reason grant you a pair of wings to fly you out of hell.”
And with a wave the Kantian fell into the deepest darkness pits of nothingness, all the while protesting the irrationality of God as he descended and demanding that the universe conform to his rational dictates.
The Christian observed this with no small amount of fear and trembling and right after the tremendous fall of the Kantian, the Christian threw himself at the feet of the Lord and begged his mercy.
The Lord waited for the Christian to end his pleas before He declared,
“I seem to remember, that you prayed to me to grant you wings.”
And since of course the Christian also can remember everything with crystal clarity, he looked up to the Lord expectantly.
“I answer all prayers, in my own time and in my own way, and those who call upon me shall never be confounded, and my Name will be glorified.”
And with that, the Christian sprouted wings from his back and he sobbed for joy.
“With me, nothing is impossible,” the Lord declared, “You did right to call upon me, ascend now with your wings into the Kingdom prepared for you from the foundation of the world.”
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